It is easy for me to feel inadequate when big questions stump me. I feel like I am doing the Gospel an injustice through my inability to provide an answer. Apologetics are important and we should know what the Bible says and teaches, but I think 1 Peter 3:14a-15 is often taken out of context to make the case for answers being of supreme importance. It says,

Have no fear of them, nor be troubled, but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you.

This is the warrior motto for the apologetic because we must know the answers (or reasons) in order to respond to the questions. The context of this verse addresses suffering for Christ though. It’s not talking about writing books or having debates. Peter is telling us that, in Christ, we are able to cling to hope in the midst of trial. When we do that, others will see our hope and ask us about it. The questions we need to answer don’t simply come from books and difficult passages in Scripture, they come from how others see us live our lives in light of the Gospel – Christ’s life, death, and resurrection (1 Cor. 15:1-5)

I was reminded of a quote from Russell Moore in his book, Tempted and Tried that is a great reminder of Gospel transformation.

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The temptation toward self-protection moves with us as we move forward in the Christian life. In our dialogue with those outside the faith, we often fall for this temptation not only in tone (as we’ll see shortly) but also in content. We often want an incontrovertible, airtight argument for the truthfulness of the Christian gospel, something that can be tested and verified. We want to see Jesus – and thus ourselves – protected from any possible attack. Some do this by resting everything on intellectually rigorous arguments – historical evidence for the resurrection, say, or on the intricate structure of the human eye, or whatever. Others do this by looking for dramatic public evidences of God’s existence – in miracles or healings or revivals. This is an old and persistent strain in the Christian life. The apostle Paul wrote to the church at Corinth that the Greeks demanded signs of wisdom and the Jews demanded signs of power, but it was through the apostolic preaching that the aspirations of both were found in Christ, who is “the power and God and the wisdom of God” (1 Cor. 1:24). Humanly speaking, this was a paradoxically weak power and a paradoxically foolish wisdom. But Christ alone could illuminate and overcome the darkness out there and in here.

Sometimes believers will throw up their hands in frustration with non-Christian people they know. “I have said everything I know to say to her about the gospel,” one might say. “She already knows it all and still doesn’t believe.” Often what we seek is another argument, a hidden angle that our interlocutor hasn’t thought through before. But that’s rarely how the gospel is heard and received. Think about it in your own case. Did you believe the gospel the first time you ever heard it? Perhaps you did, but if so, you’re quite unusual. Most of us heard the gospel over and over and over again until one day it hit us in a very different way. And what was different about it? Was it a new argument? Did you say to yourself, “Wait, you mean there’s archaeological evidence proving the historical existence of the Hittites?” or “Hold on, there were five hundred witnesses to the resurrection? Well, what must I do to be saved?”

No, in most cases what we heard was the same old gospel – Christ crucified for us, buried, raised from the dead – and suddenly there was light (2 Cor. 4:6). Suddenly what had seemed boring or irrelevant to us now seemed quite personal. We heard a man’s voice in that gospel, and we wanted to follow that voice (John 10:3, 16). We saw a light of glory that overwhelmed us (2 Cor. 4:6). The same is true with the as-of-yet unbelieving world around us or the as-of-yet unbelieving relatives we have waiting for us at the Thanksgiving dinner table. You need not be intimidated by unbelievers, as though what you need is a more nuanced “worldview” to protect the kingdom of God from their threats. Yes, we engage in apologetic arguments, but those aren’t at the hub of our mission. By talking with unbelievers about arguments against the existence of God or scientific evidence for blind natural selection or whatever, all we’re doing is listening to the defense mechanisms of those who are, as we were, scared of the sound of God’s presence in the garden. We should talk about those things lovingly, but not so we can defend the faith. We engage others only so we can get to know the only announcement that assaults the blinding power of the god of this age (2 Cor. 4:4). The gospel is big enough to fight for itself.

The Lord’s temple had already been destroyed once when Cyrus allowed the Israelites to return to their homeland and rebuild it. So they turned to masons and carpenters, the Sidonians and the Tyrians to construct and furnish the temple. They erected it in beauty and strength while adorning it with the finest decorations. It was dedicated and consecrated and stood for hundreds of years.

The city grew as did its wonder. Jesus’ disciples marveled over it. “Look Teacher, what wonderful stones and what wonderful buildings!” Christ responds, “Do you see these great buildings? There will not be left here one stone upon another that will not be thrown down” (Mark 13:1-2). History tells us that the temple was once again torn to the ground. Despite the Israelites’ concern for building a strong foundation, they placed their hope in the wrong material.

But the foundation of the temple of the Lord was not yet laid.

Christ is the only firm foundation. All else is like building a house on the sand that will be washed away at the first sign of rain. He is unshakeable. He alone will stand forever.

Then Jesus told his disciples, ”If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.”

Matt 16:24

This is the quintessential challenge of discipleship, the fundamental call of everyone who claims to know Christ. The implications of this one sentence reach to every corner of our existence. To follow this command, we must allow it to claim our ambition, our desire, our bent for honor, our comfort. In short, it must claim our lives.

Of course, it would be a more preferable command if He had said, “Deny yourself, take up your cross, and do such and such things in such and such way.” Then we could look back upon our obedience and measure our personal progress, but a life with Christ is one of spiritual fruit and that is not something to be measured during our journey home. If we seek to glory in our progress, we have received our reward. Jesus adds to this point by saying that he who seeks to “save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it” (vs. 25). We lose it because it is not life, but death. We become that to which we cling. Through Christ, our flesh perished  when the nails were driven through His hands and feet (Gal. 5:24). Therefore, by embracing our life, we mistakenly embrace death and trade away the full joy of experiencing life which is only found through Christ.

To follow, we must surrender the direction we grip so tightly. To follow, we must deny ourselves and count Christ’s ways infinitely better than our own. To follow, we must set our eyes on Jesus and follow Him no matter where He takes us. This cannot be accomplished if we are following Him for personal benefit to our own lives. It occurs only when we devote our lives to exalting Him and making Him famous.

The first words of Christ’s Sermon on the Mount take a dramatically different turn from the ways of the world. “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven” (Matt. 5:3). It is not the accomplished or the wealthy, it is not the courageous or the bold, it is not those who dwell upon the Law and succeed in abiding by it. Rather, it is those who are in spiritual poverty, who feel their own inabilities and realize their desperate need for a Savior. It is in this place that we find ourselves willing to follow Him.

Even further, Christ flips conventional wisdom on its head and tells us that we are blessed in times of mourning (vs. 4), in meekness (vs. 5), in extending mercy (vs. 7), and last of all in suffering and rejection among men (vs. 10-12). How can we possibly live in this reality if we still hold onto the desires of our hearts? We must be set free from the bondage of self-awareness and become enslaved to Christ alone. This is the condition of the believer. “For he who was called in the Lord as a slave is a freedman of the Lord. Likewise he who was free when called is a slave of Christ” (1 Cor. 7:22).

When we forsake this world to set our eyes upon Christ, He commissions us to love it in a way we never could before – through Him. In following Him, He does not permit us to remove ourselves from the world. He tells us instead to live like Him, to be in the world but not of it (Rom. 12:2). We are to engage the world as disciples (even slaves) of Christ by following Him. If this is not the primary and central element of our obedience, then our labor is in vain and we have received our reward.

“Follow me,” he says. If we do not, we labor for ourselves. This is the challenge: to depart from ourselves in order to live in Christ, through Christ, and for Christ. This is the call to discipleship, the heartbeat of the believer.

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“Costly grace is the gospel which must be sought again and again and again, the gift which must be asked for, the door at which a man must knock. Such grace is costly because it calls us to follow, and it is grace because it calls us to follow Jesus Christ. It is costly because it costs a man his life, and it is grace because it gives a man the only true life. It is costly because it condemns sin, and grace because it justifies the sinner. Above all, it is costly because it cost God the life of his Son: ‘Ye were bought at a price’, and what has cost God much cannot be cheap for us. Above all, it is grace because God did not reckon his Son too dear a price to pay for our life, but delivered him up for us. Costly grace is the Incarnation of God.”

Dietrich Bonhoeffer

This was on my reading list for the honeymoon (which was awesome by the way!).

Before reading Eric Metaxas’ latest book, Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy,  I have to confess that I knew very little of the life and legacy of Dietrich Bonhoeffer. Never had I read one of his works, nor had I known of his involvement in a conspiracy to assassinate Adolf Hitler during the reign of the Third Reich. However, after reading this utterly thorough biography I feel as though I lived and breathed the same air as this man. If you are considering your options for what to read next, look no further.

For a biography, Metaxas has created a work that reads much like a novel. As a reader, I never found myself bogged down in long-winded details of historical fact. Woven throughout the narrative are journal entries and letters from Bonhoeffer to his family and friends, which make for an intimate connection to the brilliant mind behind them. The true gold of this book however is not in the writing or the story alone, although both are excellent. Rather, it is in Bonhoeffer’s belief that faith in God means more than simply avoiding sin. Christians are to fix their eyes upon the Lord and follow Him wherever He leads no matter the personal cost. For Bonhoeffer, it led him to hanging from a noose outside of a Gestapo prison. Nonetheless, it is in this deeper theme of the book that the reader finds himself confronted with personal conviction and the need for thoughtful engagement. After all, the theological work behind Bonhoeffer’s decision to become involved in the conspiracy to kill Hitler is, at a very minimum, challenging and complex.

The young German walked with ferocity for the Gospel and love for humanity. He once expressed fear that those who lived with one foot in the world would also live with only one foot in Heaven. After all, “God wants to see human beings, not ghosts who shun the world.” He rose as a leader in the German church and was respected as a sharp theologian. His life began to take a turn when Hitler came to power. There was no confusion for him over who this man was and where he would take the country. For Bonhoeffer, commitment to one’s country was important, but commitment to the Kingdom was always a higher priority. His battle became one of persuading the biblically ignorant masses of his day and leaders in the German church away from Hitler and back to the Gospel. From a worldly point of view, it was a battle he did not win. Over the years, he grew tired with the church’s compromising actions towards Hitler and later the Nazi-oriented German Church that was birthed. Ultimately, his convictions and actions in opposition to Nazism landed him in prison and resulted in his being hanged.

The camp doctor who was present during the execution remarked, “In the almost fifty years that I worked as a doctor, I have hardly ever seen a man die so entirely submissive to the will of God.” Bonhoeffer was a gifted teacher and an eloquent preacher of God’s Word. His messages are challenging to anyone reading them today. He constantly preached a message of obedience as he was convinced that our beliefs lead to conclusions which ultimately lead to action in life. Otherwise, the belief is not real. It is a weighty challenge to those claiming the name of Christ. In this, he agrees with James who said, “faith without works is dead” (2:17).

Bonhoeffer knew a the holy and majestic God of the Bible who did not ask His followers to cast away the temporal as wickedness, but to engage it as ambassadors for His ministry of reconciliation. We would be wise to model his selfless giving of himself to others in discipleship and his relentlessly focused devotion to God’s will in this world.

You can find Eric Metaxas’ book by clicking here.

“No one has yet believed in God and the kingdom of God, no one has yet heard about the realm of the resurrected, and not been homesick from that hour, waiting and looking forward joyfully to being released from bodily existence.”
Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Brittany and I started off the day with a good hearty breakfast.

Frying some bacon for breakfast

This is how every Fourth of July should begin

Brittany getting a head start on dinner.

Making dinner

Then I took a walk around her apartment complex to see what I could find.

That evening, we had dinner with our good friends, the Padulas.

Dinner with the Padulas

Orange-glazed chicken, creamy mac and cheese, and fresh garden salad

American flag cheesecake

Unfortunately, this year there was a burn ban in Travis Country. This was as close as we got to seeing live fireworks.

Petey is a true celebratory patriot.

Being only 17 days away from my wedding, needless to say marriage is on my mind. I happened upon this Dietrich Bonhoeffer quote recently and love it. So I thought I would share it since I have no time to write anything thoughtful right now.

God is guiding your marriage. Marriage is more than your love for each other. It has a higher dignity and power, for it is God’s holy ordinance, through which He wills to perpetuate the human race till the end of time. In your love you see only your two selves in the world, but in marriage you are a link in the chain of the generations, which God causes to come and to pass away to His glory, and calls into His kingdom. In your love you see only the heaven of your own happiness, but in marriage you are placed at a post of responsibility towards the world and mankind. Your love is your own private possession, but marriage is more that something personal – it is a status, an office. Just as it is the crown, and not merely the will to rule, that makes the king, so it is marriage, and not merely your love for each other, that joins you together in the sight of God and man. As you first gave the ring to one another and have now received it a second time from the hand of the pastor, so love comes from you, but marriage from above, from God. As high as God is above man, so high are the sanctity the rights, and the promise of marriage above the sanctity, the rights, and the promise of love. It is not your love that sustains the marriage, but from now on, the marriage that sustains your love. God makes your marriage indissoluble. ‘What therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder’ (Matthew 19:6). God joins you together in marriage; it is His act, not yours. Do not confound your love for one another with God. God makes your marriage indissoluble, and protects it from every danger that may threaten it from within and without; He wills to be the guarantor of its indissolubility. It is a blessed thing to know that no power on earth, no temptation, no human frailty can dissolve what God holds together; indeed, anyone who knows that may say confidently: What God has joined together, can no man put asunder. Free from all anxiety that is always a characteristic of love, you can now say to each other with complete and confident assurance: We can never lose each other now; by the will of God we belong to each other till death.

I’m currently on a plane flying to the Dominican Republic where I will be for the next 6 days. It has already been a memorable experience. The team (me and 7 others) were supposed to arrive last night, but due a terrible thunderstorm in Dallas, we got stranded at DFW after our flight to Miami was cancelled. One of the parents of a girl on the trip booked us two rooms at a nearby Holiday Inn Express. So we got plenty of rest. We flew out of Dallas at 10am, caught connecting flights in Atlanta and Miami and now we’re only a few minutes away from our destination.

God has taken great care of us through the change of plans. One of the most impactful moments for me came the first day when we landed in Atlanta. The airport there is one of the biggest most heavily trafficked airports in the entire world. When we landed, we had about 45 minutes to get to the terminal for our next flight. I was preparing mentally for an all out sprint to make it in time because my luck usually means that the gate is on the exact opposite side of the airport. We got off of our flight at gate D-16 and went to check the board for our next flight’s terminal only to find that it was D-17, 20 feet away from the gate we just arrived in. What are the odds? Thank you Jesus…because we all really had to pee.

This should be a great week.

May 22nd:

I am safely in the D.R. We landed around 8:30pm local time last night. Unfortunately, all of our checked baggage was left in Miami and won’t be here until later today. So, the guys especially, are rummaging through everything we carried on in an attempt to dress one another adequately for church.

My first impressions:

1) The airport is so much nicer than the one in Haiti. Already I can see the difference fiscally between the two economies.

2) There are properly constructed roads and the Dominican drivers somewhat adhere to the traffic laws. Not so in Haiti. This doesn’t even seem like the same island.

That’s all I’ve got for now. We were driven to the White’s home after dark last night so I couldn’t see much, but it is remarkable how much more stable the D.R. seems than Haiti when they are on opposite sides of the same island. Santiago isn’t in great shape, but it looks like luxury in comparison to Port-au-Prince.

Our arrival at the White’s home was met with excitement from more than our hosts alone. As we were touring the balcony patio, a wolf spider came running out from a corner straight in my direction. The thing was literally bigger than my hand. Luckily, my Matrix skills kicked in and I avoided it, but the men decided we needed to hunt it down and kill it since it had run inside the house – if nothing else, for the sanity of the girls.

Around 45 minutes later, the spider met its demise. Now we’re off to a good start in the D.R.

The White's Home

May 22nd – Evening Entry:

We’ve pretty much finished our first full day here. This morning, we attended the White’s church, International Christian Church. It was a small group of attendees (~ 40 people including us), but the worship was done in three different languages (English, Spanish, and Creole) and the sermon was spoken in English and translated into Creole. After that, we went to a local restaurant for lunch. Dominican food is amazing. They are pretty heavy on the rice, but they mixed in plenty of seafood and meats to please just about any taste. It was delicious.

We were all pretty exhausted post-meal so we came back to the house and got about an hour of down time. Once we finished up with that, we visited an orphanage run by some people the Whites know here on the island. There were around fifteen kids there. Thanks to the energy of college students, we did a pretty good job of wearing them out by playing volleyball, basketball, and hide and seek. It was really great to the smiles on the faces of those kids. Especially a young girl who was blind. Ben, one of the members of our team, let her play his ukulele and the joy in her face was priceless.

I love playing with kids, but they completely wore me out this time around. It’s around 8pm and I think I could crash right now. Tomorrow we go to the discipleship training center to help with construction. The day will be a tough one, but we can all look forward to some pretty sweet farmer’s tans.

May 24th:

Exhausted. That’s how I would describe myself today. We did manual labor from roughly 10:30am to 6:45pm yesterday. The Whites are in the process of constructing a discipleship training center/missionary retreat on about 14 acres of land. It’s in the beginning stages right now so there is a lot of work to be done. Yesterday, the guys built 9 roofing trusses for the purpose of covering the main warehouse on the property. Hammering nails for 8 hours straight takes a toll of which I was not aware. Hundreds of nails and a few bloodied fingers later, we completed our task. It was exciting to see the construction come to fruition. We’re continuing the work today.

The building that needed a roof

Building trusses

Last night’s dinner was amazing. Teresa White made us a Haitian meal. Avocado salad, brown rice, marinated shrimp and fish, fried plantains, and garlic bread. I ate so much. So far, it has been the best meal I’ve had here.

After dinner, we visited a local jazz club downtown. The taxi driver drove us into this parking garage that led to the top of a dumpy rooftop. Then out of nowhere this awesome looking structure with mood lights, dressed up locals, and groovy music appeared – the jazz club. The band was really great and it was a fun cultural experience.

Time to get to work.

May 25th:

Our work at the training center felt much more productive the second go around. We got all of the trusses in place and braced to the frame of the walls. So it actually looks like the proper framing of a roof. I earned a couple of extra bruises and scrapes by the end of the day, a sign of successful hard work if you ask me.

After that, we went back to the house and got a quick shower before heading over to the church for Bible study. Five of the local regulars attended along with our team and the Whites. One of the girls from the team shared a devotional from Psalm 103 which spurred some discussion about our desperate need for Christ and how Satan can use our pride to blind us from that. A girl from Santiago confessed that she feels as though she is nagging God by asking Him for things continually. This allowed for us to discuss the nature of God and how He never grows weary of a humble heart. Jesus began His ministry by saying, “Repent and believe in the Gospel.” That is a lifestyle and not a one-time accomplishment.

Today has been such an exciting day. We got an early start in order to catch a taxi at 8:15am that took us to a national park called “27 Waterfalls.” At first, we all thought it was going to be a hiking trail that took us on a tour of each waterfall. We found out last night that the hike is to the top of the mountain and then each of us jump down all of the waterfalls to get back to the bottom. Awesome, I know.

It started raining around the time we got to the park so we were only able to visit 12 of the 27, but that was more than enough. We hiked up the side of the mountain in some dense jungle forestry, much like a scene from LOST. With the rain pouring down, it felt like we were walking through a rain forest. After around 45 minutes, we made it to our first jump. From then on, it was a sheer adrenaline rush. We would make a jump and then swim/walk to the next one. The highest ledge was ~30 feet and it was so exciting. Highlight of the trip so far.

This afternoon, we drove to Santo Domingo (about 2 and 1/2 hours from Santiago) to stay at a missionary home for the night. It is the capital of the Dominican Republic. We attended a Haitian church this evening. They really know how to worship. The noise level at this place was easily comparable to my experience at Mission of Hope Haiti. The sermon was from Luke 15 and the pastor exhorted everyone to return to their Father like the prodigal son because the days are short and repentance should not be delayed.

At one point, I was asked to be ready to speak because Jim White usually fills in when they visit. However, he’s not with us on this trip. So I was asked. I felt very honored that the team considered me for that role even though it didn’t actually happen.

Tomorrow, we will be leading a VBS for the Haitian children of the church, then we will tour a colonial city during the afternoon. Then we will head back to Santiago, get some sleep, and I will get on a plane home Friday morning.

May 26th:

This morning, we showed up at the Haitian church planning to lead a VBS for ~50-60 kids. As it turned out, there were more like 150 kids there. So right from the start, we had our work cut out for us. Teresa took the van back into town to buy more snacks because we wanted to give them all the opportunity to have a healthy meal while they were with us. It was so much fun though. The team did great job of preparing songs in English, Spanish, and Creole – all languages that the kids had some knowledge of, but they were fluent in Creole. We acted out the story of Noah for them and then handed out paper plates for each child to draw an animal face on. They were pretty excited to be able to use crayons and elmer’s glue. Teresa made it back in time with the food and after about three hours with the kids, we fed them and sent them on their way. It was quite a busy morning.

After that, we all piled into the van and headed into the heart of Santo Domingo where we got lunch at a local restaurant near the colonial city. It was right across the street from the first church ever established in the New World. Construction was begun on it in 1492 when Christopher Columbus came through before heading back to Spain. Once we had finished lunch, we toured the church and it was beautiful. The colonial city as a whole reminded me of being in Italy. The narrow alleys, cobblestone roads, and modern stores like Kodak sitting within these ancient buildings just screamed of Europe.

First Church in the New World

We toured the old governor’s mansion as well as the judge’s courthouse. The latter is now a museum that we were able to go through where we saw some documents written by Columbus himself as well as the office where Rafael Leónidas Trujillo Molin, or El Jefe, stayed during his reign as dictator of the Dominican Republic. Seeing the history behind the country made it an even greater experience for me.

Once we finished up the colonial city, we made a quick trip to a local market to buy some souvenirs. It was crazy. Every store owner came running up to us with some item they were trying to sell. It was pretty fun being able to haggle with them about the price. This one lady wanted to sell me a coffee cup for 950 pesos, roughly $24. So we had some fun buying memorabilia from the market. Then we all climbed back into the van and drove back to Santo Domingo.

I spent the evening packing once we got back to the house. Then, we sat down with Jim and Teresa White so that they could tell us the story about how he spent 60 days in Haitian prison before being kicked out of the country under suspicion of being a terrorist planning to overthrow the government and assassinate the president. It is a crazy story. God did some unbelievable things in their life during that time. It took Jim over two hours tell us everything so there’s no way I can do it justice in a few paragraphs. If you’re interested, you can read the whole story by going to the Sharing the Vision site and clicking on the link, “From Prison To Praise.”

Team DR

May 27th:

This morning, I said goodbye to the team and Jim drove me to the airport for my 8am flight out of the D.R. It was a great trip. I really enjoyed getting to spend time with this missionary couple and see how the Lord is using them to serve and train people in their country. Missions always serve to remind me that the Gospel is so much bigger than any American agenda. It truly does reach to the ends of the earth and there is nothing that can stop the life transformation that occurs when the Truth strikes the human heart. Praise God for His love of the nations.

Traveling home was mostly uneventful until I got to DFW. I was walking to my terminal when I walked right by Dennis Rodman! He was headed into the bathroom so I thought I would be really clever and stand off to the side inconspicuously with my camera down by my waist so I could take a picture when we walked out. Unfortunately, I did not turn off the flash which blew up as I took the picture. EVERYONE turned and looked at me, including Rodman. For a minute, I thought I was about to be physically assaulted by the 6’6″ former NBA player, but he just shook his head and walked away. It was a little embarrassing, but hey I got a picture of the guy.

Winning!

Dennis Rodman

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If you’re interested in seeing the rest of my pictures, click here.

I recently noticed two articles on CNN.com that startled me over how sexually driven our society has become. They were Ian Kerner’s “Are you willing to negotiate monogamy?“ and Christopher Ryan’s “Monogamy unnatural for our sexy species“. The former article discussed the growing trend of “negotiating monogamy” wherein a couple decides mutually, for the sake of their marriage, that they will allow some sort of “sexual free pass.” They can reignite their sexual passions with someone else and bring their new-found happiness back to their marriage. Kerner says that simply discussing it as an option could even be healthy because when couples talk about sex “they often tend to get turned on and end up going home and having sex with each other.”

Ryan on the other hand takes his reader through a snapshot of human history paralleled by the evolutionary development of mankind through the ages. He says that monogamy is simply a symptom of the shift into agrarian society when “the human female went from occupying a central, respected role to being just another possession for men to accumulate and defend, along with his house, slaves and asses.” In actuality, mankind is yearning from within to return to its primal (and natural) days during which all things, including partners, were shared without question.

It’s easy to come to these conclusions when you’re starting point is that of human feeling, or more specifically the feeling derived from sexual pleasure. Unfortunately, today no researcher will be able to properly study the sustainability of love in a monogamous relationship because it has come to be built on utterly selfish standards. Love today is a feeling, not a choice. We love something as long as it makes us happy, but when it breaks, disappoints, or grows old it’s time to move on. I love my car until the alternator runs out. I love my phone until it starts dropping calls. I love my Xbox 360 until I get the three rings of death. The divorce rate is so high today because people love their spouses until they stop pleasing their selfish desires. So the issue behind the lack of happiness and the struggle to be monogamous has nothing to do with the evolutionary form of happiness, but rather the deep depravity of the human heart.

Ryan says, “Couples who turn to a therapist for guidance through the inevitable minefields of marriage are likely to receive the confusing message that long-term pair bonding comes naturally to our species, but marriage is still a lot of work.” Due to the fact that marriage is a lot of work it isn’t natural to our species? Obviously my experience with marriage is limited seeing as I’m still not married yet, but I have a pretty good idea that it is difficult because two broken and flawed human beings are entering into a lifetime unity with one another which requires work. However, the work is a symptom of reconciliation and restoration in growing alongside one another – it is not conclusive evidence that monogamous marriage is unnatural just because it’s hard.

He goes on to say, “This is a problem because there is no reason to believe monogamy comes naturally to human beings. In fact, for millions of years, evolutionary forces have cultivated human libido to the point where ours is arguably the most sexual species on Earth.” To me, this is intellectually ignorant. Evolutionary forces are not the cause of increasing sexuality. Every single day we continue to create a more deeply entrenched exposure to the hyper-sexuality of our culture. I feel like that’s pretty well illustrated in the exposure of men and women in advertising over the last 20-30 years and it’s not because of evolutionary factors. It’s because the advertisers can make a fortune off of the weakness of the human heart.

These are great illustrative examples for why Jeremiah says, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?” (17:9) The sickness is too desperate for humanity to understand it. The cure must be the same. God’s creative order was not meant for our temporal happiness, but for our eternal joy. These two things are deeply different in nature. One cannot consider it all happiness in times of suffering. Happiness is a fleeting emotion so when we make decisions built upon its effects, they are pleasing only for a short time – even in marriage.

Paul once said, “For Jews demand signs and Greeks seek wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified, a stumbling block to Jews and folly to Gentiles, but to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God” (1 Cor. 1:22-24). We must always begin with Christ. When our starting point is humanity (or their feelings), what we consider “wisdom” ends up being a stumbling block and folly. Truth is not built upon how we feel. The sinful condition does not disappear if we just try hard enough. Though powerful, our feelings are not trustworthy, they are deceitful.

Kerner says, “When you consider what we’re up against, it may not be such a bad idea to give negotiated monogamy a chance before we dismiss it outright as a violation of the sanctity of marriage.” I’m sorry living sacrificially for another human being is so hard. I’m not even married yet and I know it’s hard. My answer to that attitude though is this:

If you want to be a narcissist, don’t get married.

“Let us walk properly as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and sensuality, not in quarreling and jealousy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh to gratify its desires.”
Romans 13:13-14

This morning, as I was reading through Romans I was struck by this passage because of the image of sin it created in my mind – one of finiteness and mortality. Paul is exhorting the people to love in order to fulfill the Law. If we love God, our actions become obedience to Him (the Law) and we abide in His love through Christ Jesus (1 John 3:24 -> 1 John 4:16). If we love God, He teaches us to walk in righteousness. We cannot be perfect, but in Christ we have died and no longer live. So what lives is Christ Jesus in us (Galatians 2:20).

Paul cites behaviors in verse 13 that are evidences that one is living outside of love, but then speaks of dressing ourselves in Christ in order to combat the flesh. What is so interesting about verse 14 is how Paul creates an understanding that sin must be fed in order to survive. It isn’t something by which we simply become victims. If sin is thriving within us, some area of our life is nourishing it, feeding it. Otherwise, it would starve and die. Paul references this thought in his letter to the Ephesians as well (4:27)

When we walk dressed in Christ, the darkness distances itself. For sin to be starved, this clothing cannot simply be external. The robes of the Lord Jesus can adorn the deepest most secret portions of the heart, soul, and mind. James 4:7 says, “Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” This promise is not set upon human ability. The intrinsically sinful human being cannot cause Satan to tuck tail and run. If he could, the hope we find in the sacrifice of Christ would be void (Romans 4:14).

But in Christ, that man (or that woman) has died and is now arrayed in the splendor of the risen Savior. The sight of such a thing is a great cause of concern for Satan because He must be fed as well. After all, he is part of God’s creation (Genesis 3:1a). His teeth are sharp, but not enough to tear through the ornaments of Christ. His tongue is repulsed by the tastes of Christ and his stomach cannot hold them. They are death to him. So it is not human decision that causes him to starve and flee, but the splendor of Christ who clothes us in His wonder thereby causing our appetites to turn to and be filled by His glory alone. Our Lord has no need for food. We do not gratify Him through our actions like we do our sin. Rather, He is gratified through Christ who imputed the righteousness of God to those who would believe. He does not eat. He does not sleep. He has neither weakness nor the need to flee. He is our Supper, our Warrior, our Father, our Savior.

And through Christ, we can wear His glory with confidence.

“All mistakes can be marked by borders
All of love can be traced to a Maker”