Who am I? Who am I to worry? Who am I to demand? Who am I to resist? Who am I to command? Who am I to hate? Who am I to judge?
…Who am I?
My spiritual walk has been lacking joy and delight so far this semester. School has been killing me in busywork and I have tended to lean towards indulging my comfort instead of putting myself on the line for the sake of allowing God to manifest Himself in my life. I am so afraid to surrender. And that fear manifests itself in the form of control. My homework. My Bible study. My schedule. My time. I try to finish my responsibilities so that I can spend free time on my own terms without even considering what God might be desiring me to do with it.
In other words, my spiritual life has lacked joy because I have been afraid to receive it. This thought process has reminded me of the story of Job. The Bible makes it clear that he was a righteous man, “blameless and upright” (vs. 1). Apparently, there was no one on earth like him (vs. 8). He had a family, lots of crops, livestock, and financial prosperity. As a test of his faith, God allows Satan to take everything from him. Soon after, his crops are burned, his livestock are dead, his children are dead, and his flesh is covered in boils. Job never sins with his mouth by blaming God or accusing Him of fault, but he does, with his friends, try to reach an understanding of why these things happened to him. Because bad things don’t happen to good people, right?
After thirty-five chapters of discourse, God steps in with questions of His own – not answers. He simply asks, “Who are you?” Job, who do you think you are? I am God. I laid the foundations of the earth. I command the sun to rise and tell it when to set. I hold the key to the dwelling of light. I keep the storehouse of snow. I have written the ordinances of heaven and established their rule on earth. It is by my understanding that the hawk soars. I tame the creature Leviathan – not you.
Who are you?
I think it is a perfectly natural reaction to question difficult circumstances. Obviously, I am not in any way experiencing suffering comparable to that of Job, but I question nonetheless. Why God? Why do I feel tired? Why is school frustrating and difficult? Why is my schedule full? Why do I have to talk to that person?
Who are you?
The question I should be asking is this: “God, how can You in all of Your righteous glory allow me to wake up in the morning being the man that I am?” Me – a wicked disobedient sinner. Praise God that He covers me with His grace in the midst of my refusal to believe that He does all things for good. God is never the problem. I am with my conflicted desires for the idols of this world.
Who am I? I am nothing. God is everything and whatever is good in me belongs to Him.
Whatever is under the whole heaven is mine.